Anger management class!!! What the hell?
So I'm a man with many opinions that I honor above anything else in the whole wide world. I am an anti-abortion, anti-jerks, anti-idiot-people person. But I'm very sensitive and caring... sometimes.
I hate most people because most people are jerks. This includes police officers. Don't get me wrong- I love and I believe in the justice system. But the justice system is just only until they give you a ticket for parking on the fire lane in front of a video store. I just went in there for 2 minutes and I ended up getting a 100 dollar fine and a warning. I would have been better off taking a cab. Atleast I wouldn't have to worry about those jerks on the road who drive at double the speed limit with half the wit of a designated driver. To get me safe to the store would be the problem of some guy named Alfaaz from Turkey.
I did hit a guy once at my workplace because he was an idiot. He deleted all my mid-year revenue reports (which took me 3 weeks to prepare) by mistake. So I had to hit him. The boss thought that my actions were rather extreme, so he got me signed up for an Anger Management class. Yeah, a roomful of angry jerks with no lives and horrible personalities was going to tame me down into an "idiot."
I went to the Anger Management class and met Jay, another angry man. Jay's real name is Jagdish Prasad. For the convinience of the average American, he changed his name to Jay. This made me mad. To change one's name is to bend over for society. And everyone knows what that leads to: Idioticy... if thats a word.
I also hate people who use the expression "Can I?" What is up with that? Of course you can, you jerk! The correct expression is "May I?" Can you tell the difference? Of course you can... if you are not a jerk.
I hate the people who hand out fliers for their religion on the sidewalk. I usually tell them that I belong to the same religon and I borrow atleast 50 fliers to spread the word of the Lord. What I actually do with the fliers is community service- I dump those in the nearest possible garbage removal area so no other soul has to reconsider his/her spiritual life based upon the claims of millions of jerks.
I love New York. It is essentially a huge garbage removal area. But if New York is the most Beauty-full city in the world, it is also the most Jerk-full city in the world. I see freaks all over the place. This one homeless guy approached me once and asked for some change for food. I told him that he was a parasite in society and that his neccessity was as minute as that of a weed. He didn't know what "parasite" and "minute" meant, and he asked me how I knew that he was going to spend the money on "weed." At that time my anger management skills dropped off my psyche and I hit him on the nose. He fell on the ground and didn't get up for two minutes. So I left.
What stayed with you?
A line that lingered, a feeling, a disagreement. Great comments are as valuable as the original piece.
Responses2
You're also a funny guy - this is one of the funniest piece I have read in a long time on this site
Thanks Kreep. I just got into Stand-up comedy. This is one of my routines. Just practicing some new styles of writing.
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