Wells......of Joys, and Sorrows.

So many queries to ask, but who has the absolute answers to give...

I saw him going away, and kept staring as his figure blended with the distant horizon. Suddenly, I was filled with a sense of doom. Something I couldn't explain, yet it was there, and it had me clenched tightly in its fists.

I pondered endlessly on what had caused the sudden surge of depression. I had spent an entire jovial evening with my best friend, having a cute chat, regaling in a cherished company. It couldn't have anything to do with his going away either, because I knew I was to meet him again the next day. And still there it was, this overpowering sense of gloom, and me a helpless victim to it.

The crux of the matter is, that it wasn't the first time it was happening. Many a times, I have found myself gripped in a crazy fear, of losing, even while there was nothing to lose. I would be spending a perfectly blissful time when a slight spark of apprehension would find its way through my mind, and the joy would get reinstated with a dull ache. It has become a pattern, which is difficult to shrug off, and is exacting and enervating despite its oft-repeatedness.

I have tried to reason it through reasons galore, yet couldn't encrust upon a single one. Sometimes I think it is the outcome of a culture that makes us fearful of all worldly pleasures, and though I make it a point to show slightest concern to such nonsensical idea of denying pleasures, it might be that those "values" have become so impressed upon my subconscious that I feel a guilt accrued with all my happiness, which is probably the cause for my depression.

Or may be, since we are so used to dwelling upon the past and the future, and skipping the present in between, the fear of a future that may be devoid of the present pleasure haunts me.

Or may be even I am looking for that equillibrium, the quest for which governs all nature, and the consistent failure to encapture what I hold dear to myself thwarts my pleasure and self composure.

Or probably it is because joys and sorrows do go hand in hand, and that is what Khalil Gibran wished to point out when he said,

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked, and the selfsame well from which your laughter arises, was often times filled with your tears.

Or it could be that I am just plain crazy...