Retrospection

'It's a beautiful life..'...playing in the background and here I am talking to myself after ages.

No, actually I did do talking but stopped penning down the thoughts. And I don't know why I destroyed all that I wrote while I was going through the most forming years of my life. My diary knew every bit of me and probably that's the reason I feel so comfortable with whatever I did in life. But then, a stage came when my diary started overpowering me, just like my hobby of photography started becoming an obsession. And so I stopped making an account of all the important events and my feelings and started living my life as it came to me. I still remember most of it. I guess this is what I wanted it to happen, to let myself remember and forget what I chose to.

I watched a movie just now and that is the whole reason why I'm writing all this. I felt so good and closer to myself. And I'm happy that I always did what I wanted to do in life. Least bothered by the society or I guess I was affected by the society in the beginning but I emerged as a non-conformist. Didn't want to believe in God just because every other person used to do that so unquestioningly. I used to have numerous arguments (no fights!!) with my parents. Fortunately, they never discouraged these discussions and never forced me into any of their beliefs.

And I passed out of school, went to college. Had a wonderful time there. Broke a lot of rules. And then went for post graduation. I was growing as a person but with the same attitude towards life of enjoying every bit of it. And this was the reason why everyone liked me so much during my graduation and I also managed to top the list of dislikes during my post graduation days. Nobody liked me much except for a few friends who were really close to me, and they are less than the number of days in a week :) For the more a person deviates from the norms of the society as he 'matures', the more the people despise him and more so if that person is a girl. I was okay with it as I didn't want to change myself for such social animals. Sure, I know they must be jealous from within and too scared to break out of the mask which they wear and which makes them so 'social' and 'socially acceptable'.

So here I am with no principles in life. I have grown up to the effect that the society doesn't affect me anymore, as in now I wouldn't do something just because everyone else is doing the opposite. But still I don't like conventional things and that's the reason why I don't like .......my hair (disappointed!! I thought of talking about down to earth things). Because they are so normal. Though they could have been anyone's dream -- straight silky black hair. But I've got sick of them. Will shave my head someday ;)